“The Before & After Person”

I’m reading this fantastic book by Shelley Sackier called “Make it a Double”, and it has hit my soul way more than I first thought when I picked it up to take on my would be solo trip to Scotland that didn’t happen. There is a great line in it where she refers to the “before and after person”. My journey has been a lot like her’s, I didn’t realize for many years that I was married to the wrong person. Though I wasn’t happy for several of those years, I found great happiness in my children, friends, and my dog Zoey. It probably sounds sad to most, and I would whole heartedly agree that up until this point at least, the love of my life (not including my children of course) was that gorgeous purebred Greyhound.

When I first picked up this book, I expected to find within its pages, a witty and interesting journal about a woman my age discovering a love for Scottish Whisky. I have found myself at this predominantly cigar smoke filled men’s club, among raised eyebrows, followed by raised a raised glass proclaiming “Slainte!”, all the while wondering if I am only drinking it to try and impress the men and scare their wives. Nope, it is actually my favorite spirit, and I prefer it neat (without ice or straight up for you Jack drinkers) and without the judgement thank you very much. What I didn’t expect from this book, was a window into my own heart and past through humor and a kinship I felt with the writer.

The line “The before and after person”, hit me right in the chest when I read it. I actually had to put the book down for a few minutes to let that line marinate. I have been through a lot the last few years, like everyone, I have struggled at times finding my “new normal”. When I found out the real reason for my divorce and not the reason I was given when he first left, I ran away, like a coward, to my mom and dad. I didn’t want to be in the same county let alone the same city as him and his new (much younger) girlfriend. I spent 2 years healing and a year discovering who I am as an individual.

My “before person”, wife, mother, daughter, student, manager of all the day to day stuff that is part of raising a family; that was my “before person”. When I look at that woman in the photo below, I see someone I remember well, but who I know is just an old friend. The smile was real in that photo, how could it not be, that 80lb puppy could always make me smile even when my teenagers were being normal teenagers. But now I notice that the smile doesn’t reach my eyes. Was I fooling everyone; including myself? At the time, I knew that my marriage wasn’t going to last forever, but he was still my best friend and I (however stupidly ) believed in my heart that he would never hurt me on purpose. THAT was my “before person”, and I am happy as Hell that we are now just old friends.

The above photo, she is my “after person”. Can you see the difference in just one photo? Yeah, me too.

Most people will at some point in their lives have something that creates a before and an after, I just hope that your “after” is better than the “before”. And sometimes just knowing that others are where you are or have been where you are, is enough to help you find the joy that comes with finding your real smile that makes your eyes sparkle.

From me, to you, Slainte!, Cheers!, Salute!, & Bottoms Up! “Here’s to the nights we’ll never remember with the friends we’ll never forget”. (I don’t know who said it, but it sure is true.